Jus a poem to share....

Success
by Ralph Waldo Emerson

What is success?
To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people
And the affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics
And endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty;

To find the best in others;

To leave the world a bit better
Whether by a healthy child, a garden
Patch or a redeemed social condition;

To know even one life has breathed easier
Because you have lived;

That is to have succeeded.

苏轼的悼亡词

江城子
乙卯正月二十日夜记梦

十年生死两茫茫。不思量，自难忘。
千里孤坟，无处话凄凉。
纵使相逢应不识，尘满面，鬓如霜。
夜来幽梦忽还乡。小轩窗，正梳妆。
相顾无言，惟有泪千行。
料得年年肠断处，明月夜，短松冈。


这是苏轼写给他已故十年的妻子的悼亡诗。他对妻子的思念令我动容。
他们之间生死相隔。就算他走到妻子的坟前，那又如何？那么近却如此遥不可及。

定风波
三月七日沙湖道中遇雨。雨具先去，同行皆狼狈，余独不觉。已而遂晴，故作此词。

莫听穿林打叶声，何妨吟啸且徐行。
竹杖芒鞋轻胜马，谁怕？
一蓑烟雨任平生。
料峭春风吹酒醒，微冷，山头斜照却相迎。
回首向来萧瑟处，归去，也无风雨也无晴。

我爱上了苏轼的这种勇敢的精神。他已不再害怕，不再彷徨失措了。

结庐在人境，而无车马喧。
问君何能尔？心远地自偏。
采菊东篱下，悠然见南山。
山气日夕佳，飞鸟相与还。
此中有真意，欲辨已忘言。

我期望着这样的心境，这样的豁达，这样的悠然自在...

Vietnam? Taiwan? Nowhere??

Now i am wondering.. Where should I go at the end of the year? Should I go vietnam or taiwan? The others are not going to Vietnam this yr cuz of time constraints.. Judy is not sure too if she wanna go if it's only the 2 of us going.. Actually i don't mind going overseas alone.. Jus that I think my dad and sis will kill me if they find out.. haha..
On top of this, I am also very tempted to visit taiwan..Really.. I won't have problems gg there alone too.. Isn't it? Language is not a problem and transport is alright too.. Jus that I am torn between this two countries..
Hmmm... Taiwan is much more expensive than Vietnam.. ARGH!!! Wat should I do?
I really must go overseas this year end!! It's a well deserved break and I NEED THE BREAK!!! I really do!!!
But i know if i go to VN again, i won't be able to travel down to HCM again... Cuz i might be alone.. Maybe i should contact Ms Anh and ask if I could stay in Hoa Sua for a week or so and do something constructive there.. Better right???

I dun wanna hurt anyone.. Including myself..

I dun intend to hurt anyone.. Not even once in my whole life..

害人之心不可有，防人之心不可无。That's what i agree with.. All along..

可惜事与愿违，我不希望伤害到别人，但别人却因我的言行举止所伤害了。我是无心的，真的。

我现在只想快乐地过每一天。人生短短几十年，我们又何必为了一些烦人的事儿钻牛角尖呢？何必呢？

“凡”人不等于“烦”人。 我们是凡人，平凡但不贫乏，平淡但不是无味。人生可以是美丽，充满快乐的。

这都取决于自己，而不是别人。我差一点就忘了这么重要的事。

别人无法使你快乐，如果你选择啄瞎自己的心与眼。

如果你选择了快乐，那么，别人就无法使你伤心。

我曾尝试过，当朋友知道我难过时，我选择逃避他们的关怀，选择让伤痛淹没自己。我差一点就被淹死了。

但，幸好，最后，我选择了让自己快乐起来，感谢那早已存在的关怀，我变得更快乐了！

UV Light Gathering at ECP

Phew!! Thank goodness it didn't rain at all when we went to ECP today(i mean yesterday). It has been raining for the past few days and i am praying so hard that it won't rain today.. Luckily, heaven is kind! haha.. But instead of meeting at 2.30pm, it ended up to be 4pm and haiz.. We waited till 5.30 before we went to sit down at the pavilion. Waited at mac for 1.5 hrs for ppl to turn up! haiz..
Had some good fun and crapping at the pavilion.. But as what i expected, we didn't manage to finish the food at all. So chok sin's car became the store for our things and we went for blading! haha.. I must say, we are a real bunch of daredevils, all 10 of us don't really know how to blade and we actually went on the blades together.. WOW!! SOme of them are even first time bladers!! BRAVE siah!! haha.. Tze Xiang went on the blades but she fell down and cut her finger.. I was so worried for her.. SO i managed to persuade her out of blading.. Cuz I won't be able to take care of her since i am not that good in blading too..
Poor Judy had a bad fall on the slope. Now she have a strained elbow.. Poor thing.. She will have difficulties bathing and all.. Haiz.. Hope she get well soon!
And as for me, i guess i will have to stop blading for a while le.. Cuz my blister is quite bad now.. Plus today blading, i have another blister on top of the raw skin! DUH! It stings!! OUCH OUCH!! I realize that i always get injuries ridiculously.. Blisters at the foot and abrasions on knuckles?? funny..
Anyway, special thanks to Chok Sin once again for being the chaffeur for the day.. Thank you thank you!! hee hee..
P.S.: UV LIGHTers... We are real lucky leh.. IT's RAINING RIGHT NOW!!! Ha ha.. I will have a great night sleep tonight!! hee hee.

do wat??

hmm.. tmr is the PSLE marking and it'll be the straight till friday.. Good.. That means i can wake up later and go home earlier.. haha.. Cuz my marking centre is at Yio Chu Kang Pri!! HAHA... Why i so happy?? haha.. cuz it's jus a 5 mins walk away from my hse.. haha... SO SHIOK ah..
Next week is the SA for my gals.. I am kinda of worried for them.. Not for the P2s, i only wonder if they can do as well as i expected only.. but my P5s, haiz.. I really dun know wat to say.. They give me the feeling that they think the exams are over already and they are already in holiday mood.. whatever i explain, they dun listen.. Ok.. fine.. let's see how they do for the exams..
Tmr, gg to watch corpse bride with sharon and denise.. Poor jo got to study for exams!! hey jo! all the way!! I believe u can do it!! No prob man!
I went blading with sharon again today at a carpark in sengkang.. haha.. i think i still prefer my own carpark.. at least, it's not that slippery.. too smooth le lah.. that sengkang carpark.. hmm.. Really think that i should practice more.. if not, i may lose the interest.. That's me lah.. Lose interest real fast.. haha...
Haiz.. really wonder when pei pei wanna get her blades.. waiting for her to get them and we can go blade together.. but hor, getting her to buy blades already take such a long time... then get her to go blade maybe need another month.. so maybe, we will be able to go blading together.... say... in dec?? or next yr? hmm... dun know.. but once she goes with us, i will sure enter an entry... hahaha... ahem..... no offence ah... jus my inner thoughts here.. I dun like to force ppl to do things.. cuz i understand that sometimes we really jus dun feel like gg out.. i feel like that too.. sometimes...
I am looking forward to sat gathering at east coast park with the UV LIGHTers.. Finally almost all of us are turning up for this!! haha.. ANd it'll be a very busy sat for me.. right after the last blading session, i will have to come home and make sandwiches.. haha.. hope that my sandwich is still edible lah.. still as tasty as before.. haha.. if not, they will have to find toilet already.. Please....... DON'T RAIN ON THAT DAY!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!RAIN RAIN GO AWAY!!! COME AGAIN ANOTHER DAY!!! NOT THIS SATURDAY!!!

Downloading.....

Haiz.. Waiting to for that 王子变青蛙 ep2 to finish dl.. THen i can watch it le!! yeah!! HAha.. So now got time to write this entry.. A bit the Bo liao lah.. But better than doing nothing wat.. right?? haha.. This weekend is quite a good one.. I finished my lessonplan yesterday in school already.. And i will only want to mark my stuff tmr so for the whole day today, i am relaxing and doing nothing.. Haha.. Anyway, today morning i went for roller-blading lessons.. Under the learn-to-play program of CCAB.. SO it's much cheaper than outside.. HAd an enjoyable morning.. haha.. THe coach, ken, said that me and sharon learn faster, jo is a bit scared of the ground and denise is ok.. he said i am the happy go lucky kind and pick up things unknowingly.. hmm.. ppl always see this side of me hor?? Happy go lucky.. seems like i am quite good at this.. haha.. Ken says he wan to teach us new things next week.. haha.. though i am very happy, but i am really very afraid of falling lor.. but they dun believe me!! chey! And anyway, they bought me the blades today for my EARLY birthday present... Wah.. really very early.. but nvm, then i can use my own blades rather than the school's one.. hee hee.. Maybe next year can intro blading to the taf gals, hope that the new P will approve lor..

P.S.: Just now Shang jus msg me, saying that Jiajun won a silver in an intense match for his weight category... And tmr he will be fighting in the team kumite and open category.... WOW... Really hope that he can win again.... THis is a real good warmup before the SEA GAmes.. I hope that he can do even better in the SEA Games.. Get a Gold and show it to SNOC that Karate can get a gold for Singapore too!!!!! hahaha..

QUIDAM

WOW!!!! THis is an extremely spectacular fascinating show! WOWOWOWOW... hee hee.. Enjoyed my evening.. The music, light, acrobatics were splendid! I really must say that i saw the beauty of human body and how one can do whatever they want with their body if they put in the time and effort to train.. Going against gravity to the candid shows they do on stage was worth every single cent! Chok sin considering getting the vcd for this and show it to his students for post exam activity! haha.. guess i can do the same too.. this can preoccupy the kids for a good 2 hours.. wow.. hahaha..
After Quidam, we went for dinner at house of sudanese.. He told me that sudan is a country in Africa?? hmm.. Maybe so lah, but the food that we are eating is definitely indonesian.. But well, who cares?? the food is good.. though both of us din eat much of the rice.. haha. .the waitress is so funny, told her to keep one of the basket of rice and she told us it free, haiz.. but me and chok sin cant finish that much wat, why waste food???
TOday i'm happy.. yeah yeah yeah!!! tmr is the start of another week.. HAVE A GREAT WEEK AHEAD, JASMINE AND FRENZ!!!!

At bishan Olio dome

Went out with Denise, Jolene, Sharon and Ai Pei yesterdae to celebrate Ai Pei's bdae.. Wow.. She cut her hair.. Looks good.. Look so fresh and awake!! Had a fun time talking and crapping ard.. However, the smoke really puts me off!! I jus bathe lorz!! So smelly.. But nevertheless, it was a great nite.. So funny..

Ai pei & Jolene both said that they love to be alone.. Actually, me too... But i am quite contradicitng.. Sometimes, i jus wish that i can be invisible and be alone.. And sometimes, i hope that frenz can give me the mental support.. When i am with ppl, i need to tink of their feelings and i need to hide my real feelings.. I cant be sad in front of them.. Even if it's close frenz.. Cuz i know if i am quiet and refuse to tok, they will know that something is wrong with me and they will probe... When they probe, well, it's good to have someone to share yr feelings, however, why must i make them share my problems and let them be unhappy?? I am like this, i dun like to influence my frenz to be unhappy like me.. I am not a optimistic person, i can give very optimistic comments to my frenz and ask them not to worry, however, i am not that kind of person.. I take a long time to heal my wounds and i worry a lot.. I am too sensitive.. I am not that open to my feelings.. I have a lot of negative feelings inside me that i will not show to my frenz.. They will be shocked.. So i rather give them a HAPPy JOYOUS fUNNY JASmine, a jasmine who takes things in her stride, a jasmine who is bubbly and always smiling.. However, that is only me on the outside.. I'm already very proficient in smiling so radiantly when i am feeling so horribly down inside.. Jus like now..
I asked bro, 你宁愿是个无情或多情之人呢？I told him i would rather be a heartless person, so that i wont be hurt or sad.. He said, 无情与多情都是情，这都是人的情感，快乐与悲伤都不会长久，那什么是快乐，什么是悲伤呢？And i agree with him, i wont be happy forever, jus like i wont be sad forever.. if that is the case, why must i cling on to these feelings???

The earth will spin no matter if u are ard or not.. no one is indispensable..

Reading this blog is confusing.. Cuz i write watever comes to my mind.. I dun have a clear line of thoughts.. so if u dun understand, it's ok..

P.S.: Seems like i keep saying this hor?? hmmm..

Outing wif my sec frenz...

Wow.. Time really FLIES!!! Met up with my secondary school classmates today.. I have not seen them for yrs man (that's wat they say lah... 5yrs?? hmm.. i am not sure too..) So many updates of each other and so many memories.. Sec sch days were the times where i am still so goon goon, naive, happy.. I really must say, we have all grown up and are more matured now.. Except for hmm.. maybe i will jus not mention names here.. But seeing all of them happily married, getting married, attached.. I feel happy for them.. And maybe i din see them for a long time, i feel kinda of left out.. Some of the stuff they were talking abt, i have no idea of it.. However, that was only for a while.. Soon after, we were discussing abt ppl, marriages and stuff.. Woh.. Marriage.. hmm.. that sounds kinda far for me.. Well, one of them getting married in jan next yr, other 2 getting ROM, and 1 more thinking of it too.. hmm.. So marriage is the "IN" thing now ah?? So govt call is working lor!! haha.. Or is it just that we have all reached the age for marriage?? I think so lor.. I got a few bombs this yr.. hee hee.. Good for them to find the other part of their life.. Wish them Happiness..

Tung!! I will be behind u all the way!!

All the best, Tung!!! You are the best!!!

Jus had a conversation with Tung, think he's having some problems with his new relationship.. First, his mum disagree them to be together cuz of their religion.. Now her mum is against it.. Cuz her mum wants her to marry her fren's son who is in Ho Chi Minh.. Oh my!! Old school thinking.. In this age, still thinking of matchmaking.. And cuz the other party is richer.. duh!! Come on!! Tung is not a bad catch lor.. He is not that poor either.. He is so sweet and caring.. He told me that, if she gets married to a guy in Ho Chi Minh, how to visit her mum regularly? Sweet right?? Hmm.. think that the gal's mum needs to do some reflection.. Even if she does it out of love, she cant force her daughter to marry a guy whom she doesn't love lor.. haiz.. really wonder what is her mum thinking abt???!!
I told tung abt my dad condition.. Tink he's very sorry that he cant be here for me.. Well, Tung, i feel the same too.. I can't help u with yr probs too.. But hey!! We are there for each other emotionally!! So.. We will overcome all the problems.. No worries!!! When i see you in dec, I will give u ONE big hugz!!
Seriously, now i am thinking if i can go Vn in Dec, cuz if my dad condition worsen, then i may not be able to go.. But if I cant go, i think Tung will definitely understand it..
Ok.. Once again, Tung! We are all strong and wonderful people!! We will overcome all obstacles and hurdles!! Jia You!!!

Hospital visits

Haiz.. so sianz.. Tmr sch reopening liaoz.. This 1 week hols flies by in a whizz.. haiz.. whole week is busy.. I really think that the hospital in singapore really need to expand liaoz.. Brought dad to see a doc cuz of his swollen leg.. We Waited so long jus to see a doc in GH.. Imagine i can be at the A&E dept for a whole day!!!! Wait...wait.. wait... Wait to get queue no, wait to see doc, wait to do scan, wait to see doc again, wait to get an x-ray, wait to see orthopedic, wait for report, wait to get medicine... DUH!! Really think i got a lot of patience lor.. Even when we went for a follow up, it also took us 5 hours to see the doc for 10 mins.. Faintz!!!
I worry for my dad.. Hope he will get well.. I know old people will have a lot of illnesses and stuff.. But i hope that he will not suffer so much.. He's already so old.. Why make him suffer? Everyone will leave one day but i hope he will leave peacefully with no sufferings.. I prepare myself mentally everyday that i may get a call to say that something happen to him..
I am strong.. I will be strong.. I really will be...

That's Life..

Mood: Moody, Sad, Lost...

I really dun know how to describe my feelings now.. Every problem is like a river flowing.. It has a start and the end is in the sea (a collection of problems).. And as the river flows, the problem starts accumulating more things, either more water or more rubbish.. No matter wat it collects, the flow of the river jus gets faster and the water simply gets heavier.. Now i have a few rivers flowing and one of it is simply quite overwhelming since yesterday.. I really dun know what the river wants and the river ignores me and refuses to tell me it's troubles.. But it jus creates a lot of noise and ripples, this is keeping me on the edge and on my nerves.. This river will definitely dry up one day and i hope that i can keep this river clean and remove all debris from it.. So that when it dries up, the river will be happy and there will be no rubbish left on the river bed.. But this process of cleaning up is taking its toll on me.. I jus pray that i will have the strength to go on.....

If u dun understand what or who i am refering to.. It's ok.. Cuz i dun mean to let anyone know the problem.. No one can help me except myself.. Ijus wan to let off steam here..

P.S.: No matter how much i want to give up, i can't.. This is how life is.. U have to accept anything that is in your hands, may it be poison or medicine...

KATA seminar

Wow, i went for a kata seminar last thurs-sat.. 2 Japanese sensei came down and taught us some katas.. Well, i must say that i am really old.. CAnt remember the movements at all.. Out of the 5 katas, i only know how to do 2 well, the other 3 is horrible.. Even Sensei Francis tease me and said i never train for too long and my standard dropped so much.. I also dun wanna be like that.. I jus have no time to train.. And gg down for training right after school is so tiring.. Mentally so tired, how to learn new kata?? Sat was a full day course, i nearly died of exhaustion man.. It has been so long since i practice kata for hrs straight..
Now my muscles are still aching!! haiz.. But still, the time was well spent.. I am begining to get back my passion for karate.. Think i might want to go tanglin early this thursday to practice the katas before training..

Nearing the hols

Finally, the sep hols are coming.. Though it's not a very long break, however, it's better than nothing.. Without any break is mentally and physically tiring.. A lot of things to be done in a short span of time..
Last week was a bad week for me, i was always scolding my p2 and p5 classes.. Last friday, i even cried in the toilet after scolding the p5 class.. I felt very useless.. I blame myself for them not listening to my lessons.. The reason is simple, my lesson is boring.. ANd i do admit it.. I told shang this incident and he actually scolded me for crying again.. He asked me to be stronger and stop being so emotional.. I am trying very hard to be strong, but sometimes, i just feel very vulnerable and i jus hope that i can let off my steam by crying.. It's very hard to explain why i am feeling so low and sad.. Cuz not many ppl know of my personal problems.. School is just 1 part of the stress i am feeling now.. Today when i was marking the p5 books, I saw Ruiqi's note to me.. She appologized to me.. I think by scolding the ppl who disrupts the class and ignoring the rest is very unfair to the good gals.. Waste too much time concentrating on the problems..
I bought a book recently "whale done".. It's about fostering positive relationship.. I think by looking at the results of my 2 classes, my approach for term 3 is a mistake.. They are not improving at all.. So now, i must read the book and try to apply the principles in my class.. Hopefully, things will turn for the better in term 4..

must love dogs..

wow.. 1 of the best shows i watched in the past 2 months.. A nice romantic flick.. A simple story of 2 simple people who fall into a simple love relationship.. It's just the work of fate that brings 2 persons together.. If u are meant for each other, somehow or rather, u will be together.. Courage, love, forgiveness, trust, humour is wat i learn from the show.. the courage to face the person u love when u did something wrong, forgiving that person u love that she can and will fault again but trust that she will go back to u eventually..

P.s.: actually i am now in a dreamy state cuz it's already almost 3am in the morning and i just finished marking some compos.. so if i seem a bit off, i am off... cuz i dun really understand what i am writing up there.. if u do, good for u!! hee hee.. think ai pei and sharon might be the only ones who know what i am talking abt... hee heee... gg to zzzz now..

Mindless Rambles..

Today i was on mc for the day.. Simply can't bring myself to go to work.. I think the tiredness is really taking a toll on my body.. I was never so weak.. Falling sick so often nowadays.. esp headaches.. I really hate it..
Tmr is the PSLE Oral and i will be going to Rosyth.. Let's hope that everything will go smoothly with no hiccups..
After that, sharon, denise and me will be going for lunch.. Hmm.. Maybe can meet shang to go and get gareth's birthday present after that.. Wow.. seems like tmr will be a very busy day for me..
Was talking to Zhang Yong 2 nites ago.. He is a real freak.. Imagine someone who's in singapore for almost 7-8 yrs and he still haven really been ard singapore.. During poly time, he's already slugging at home.. Now, when he's working, he's still rotting at home.. Forever at home.. Other than home and workplace, he knows nowhere... My goodness.. Been trying so hard to force him to come out from his shell, but he simply wont budge.. ARGH... I haven met him for abt 3 years!!! 3 years woh!!!! But at least he calls lah.. so still not so bad.. At least i know he's still alive and kicking.... haha.. I am very mean lah.. THat's wat i always tell him too.. So i am not talking behind his back.. I told him to call me frequently to let me know that he's still alive.. hee.. and he very ting hua.. ok.. think i will drag him out one of these days.. i really cant recall his face leh!!

P5 Camp

Phew.. P5 camp is over.. Overall, it was a good camp.. The kids had fun and so did I.. The first thing i knew when i stepped into camp christine was, hey! I met Kuan Ping there!! He called me and i was so shocked to see him there.. haha.. He was 1 of the instructors.. But he's not the instructor for my group.. So too bad.. But we did manage to catch up.. Hmm.. Really miss the days of Sports Camp! It was so much fun!! Every one was so "garang" and "siao on" there..
But I was still glad that my group manage to be quite cooperative in the end.. Luckily.. Cuz i really dun like to see students quarrel with each other like spoilt brats..
The games they played were quite good.. But i still think that a 2 days 1 nite camp is not enough for the children.. It should be at least 2 nites.. Then they will have more time to really bond and get to know each other.. And i can know them too.. Till now, i still cant remember their names..
Sleeping in the same lodge as Mrs Fernandez is a great benefit!! haha.. the kids fall asleep and kept their mouths shut 5 mins after lights out.. HAHA.. If it was me alone, i think they will not sleep that fast.. and maybe hor, i will be the one playing with them!! OOops.. hee hee.. but still, i am thankful that i manage to catch some sleep..
The next morning after breakfast, i kana sabo by 1 of the instructors to sing for the group.. Hee hee.. It was quite a good fun though i wasn't really prepared for it.. So i just sang a verse or two to entertain them.. hee hee.. i am a good sport, aren't i? haha.. It was a pity that none of the trs were my kakis.. They are there really just to see.. I was the only one who will shout cheers with my group and played games with them.. So in the end, i din really dare to show my real crazy self esp when Mrs Sim came for the campfire.. haha.. Hmm.. But luckily they were there too, cuz they are the ones who will always check that things are in place and stuff like that( i dun think i would want to do that.. hee hee)..
Hopefully, if i do have to go for another camp next yr, let the trs who go be the ones who are more siao on!! Then we can all go and enjoy ourselves there!!